i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
