I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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