If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
