I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
They took my balls.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
