I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
