Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your cock deserves a montage
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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