do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
