I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
