hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize