why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
