there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
