The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
