very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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