The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize