yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
