Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
