You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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