I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
