Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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