I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
