Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
