i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
