when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
