i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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