You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
