i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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