So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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