We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she woke up with a sticky ear
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
