okay pat passed out under dana's car
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
