I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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