dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
