Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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