Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
