I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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