How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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