He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize