I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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