Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I need to align my fucking chakras
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
