Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
