I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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