those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just found a bag of teeth...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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