Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
