Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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