You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
