She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
