I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
