I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
