this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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