I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I didn't notice because vodka
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
