I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
