You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All I want is dick and wine.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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