dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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