a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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