end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
