she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
