what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
