I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
ugly people sure do ruin things
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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