what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
