Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
