There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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