The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
