My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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