I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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