Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
