Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
