i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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