my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
