oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
