What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
