I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
