Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
