worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
